Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hippo gnu deer
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
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i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize