Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
