I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize