If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
