You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
