i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
