Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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