He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
