Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
