if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?