I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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