dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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