hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?