Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight