there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.