If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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