I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
