I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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