I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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