what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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