this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
