Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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