she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
