I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
