I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
