I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
