I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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