I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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