once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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