So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
