i already hear my dad disowning me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
