Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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