You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
