i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sober January is a disaster.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
