If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
