He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
