Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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