omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
