I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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