you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
