somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
