Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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