You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
