im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize