You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
