just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
