when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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