You're completely useless in the revolution.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
