I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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