watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
