you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
