instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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