I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
