Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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