the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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