maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
