I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
