so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bring money and cleavage
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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