I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could fuck to npr.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
