the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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