Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
