I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
