Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
