I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
