She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
