I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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