is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
