real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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