whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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