he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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