I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
