So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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