girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
